(I wrote this mostly for myself because I know that I will need to come back to it again and again. You are free to listen in if you like.)
God -
My prayers today have been desperate, combined with many tears, because they are full of the brokenness, the struggle, the groaning in this world (Romans 8:22). I have cried tears for people I know and people I don't know whose bodies are broken, whose children are gone, who will not find justice this side of heaven, who struggle to keep loving and keep giving. For people struggling to make ends meet, for those hurting from long ago wounds, on and on and on it goes, and I need hope. Hope that says "There is more, this is not it." That You are present in all these things and are bringing it all somewhere. That we won't just struggle through life and die and that's it. My soul needs more than that. I long for hope. I was made for hope. (Romans 8)
I don't always understand what You are doing. I question Your goodness but like Peter said, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life" I know I can't find hope outside of You. You are the Author, the main character, the Savior, and the End of this story.
We finished reading the Chronicles of
Narnia by C.S. Lewis to our boys this week and when we reached the end of the end, the last chapter in the Last Battle, "Farewell to
the Shadowlands," I couldn't stop crying. It was so beautiful and my soul longed to be there. It sounded and felt like home, the very place I was created for.
Listen:
"Isn't it wonderful?" said Lucy. "Have you noticed one can't feel afraid, even if one wants to? Try it."
"By Jove, neither one can," said Eustace after he had tried." (pg. 216) (No fear! I can't even imagine what that will be like!)
"So they ran faster and faster till it was more like flying than running, and even the Eagle overhead was going no faster than they.... Only when they reached the very top did they slow up; that was because they found themselves facing great golden gates. And for a moment none of them was bold enough to try if the gates would open. They all felt just as they had felt about the fruit - "Dare we? Is it right? Can it be meant for us?" (pg. 219-220)
"The very first thing which struck everyone was that the place was far larger than it had seemed from outside. But no one had time to think about that for people were coming up to meet the newcomers from every direction. Everyone you had ever heard of (if you knew the history of those countries) seemed to be there.... And there was greeting and kissing and hand-shaking and old jokes revived...and the whole company moved forward to the center of the orchard." (Pg. 222-223)
"The light ahead was growing stronger. Lucy saw that a great series of many colored cliffs led up in front of them like a giant's staircase. And then she forgot everything else, because Aslan himself was coming, leaping down from cliff to cliff like a living cataract of power and beauty.... Then Aslan turned to them and said: "You do not yet look so happy as I mean you to be."
'Lucy said, "We're so afraid of being sent away, Aslan...."
"No fear of that," said Aslan.... "The term is over: the holidays have begun. The dream is ended: this is the morning."
And as He spoke He no longer looked to them like a lion; but the things that began to happen after that were so great and beautiful that I cannot write them. And for us this is the end of all the stories, and we can most truly say that they all lived happily ever after. But for them it was only the beginning of the real story. All their life in this world and all their adventures in Narnia had only been the cover and the title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on forever: in which every chapter is better than the one before." (pg. 227-228)
Jesus, help me to remember. This world is not the end. This is:
"Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, bright as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb through the middle of the street of the city; also on either side of the river, the tree of life with its twelve kinds of fruit, yielding its fruit each month. The leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations. No longer will there be anything accursed, but the throne of God and of the Lamb will be in it, and his servants will worship him. They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. And night will be no more. They will need no light of lamp or sun, for the Lord God will be their light, and they will reign forever and ever." (Revelation 22:1-5)
Come, Lord Jesus.
