Messy Messy

I have to admit that I have a love-hate relationship with spring for two reasons - mud and bugs. You see, spring is an almost unknown word here in the northeast. We call these months "mud season" followed by "bug season" and then finally, at long last, summer!

I love the sun, the warmth, the new life. I love that my boys can head outside again and burn off some of that endless energy. I love the fresh air and the smell of lilacs.

But, I hate mud. To be totally honest dirt makes me panic. I like my house neat and clean - and preferably my yard also. That's why God gave me three sons. I swear He wants me to face my fear of a dirty floor.

Over the past few weeks I have really struggled with my attitude. I have ridden on an endless cycle of anxiety - frustration - guilt. And I know (in my head) that it's ridiculous - "what's wrong with a little dirt? You just vacuum it up!" - but my body has this visceral reaction when my floor is dirty and it's hard to control.

As a result, my soul feels muddy. I have yelled at my kids (a lot!), coveted other people's clean houses, been discontent in almost everything and slacked off in my relationship with my husband. I feel like I just found a big mud puddle and rolled around it.

Thank God, He doesn't expect me to clean up before I come to Him. Because I'm desperate and I don't know how to be "soul-clean" again. I can't make my anxiety go away just like I can't snap my fingers and make the earth not dirt. I come to Him, invited, and find rest.

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matt. 11:28-30)

I no longer have to carry the weight of having to have a clean house to be a good person, to be in control. I'm not a good person and I'm not in control - the cross of Christ gives me the ability to say that and walk on in confidence. He removes the heavy burden I think I must bear and replaces it with His lighter one and He carries it with me. That is love. And that, my friend, is beautiful - dirty house and all!